Where Do You Get Your Self-Worth When You Cut Off the External Validation Drip?Nov 02, 2022
Last week we checked in on whether you may be addicted to your to-do list, and I flagged you may be using it to feel good about yourself. To get a dopamine hit from ticking off your boxes.
Becoming addicted to external validation sucks because it means we must keep doing stuff to feel good about ourselves. A bonus to this never-ending cycle is we start raising the bar on when we can feel good – previously we could feel good if we did all our to-dos but now we must do those and more to get the same dopamine fix. Seriously?
It starts when we are young and well-meaning adults praise us for doing stuff. Congratulations on your A+ - good job on cleaning up your room. We start believing that we are more loveable because of what we do instead of who we are, so starts the cycle of achievement.
Many great sages believe we are worthy because we are born. There is no requirement for us to do more because our worthiness is inherent.
So why bother doing anything you ask? Well, that’s another blog topic but my short response is because of whom you become along the way. What you do and achieve doesn’t make you more worthy, but it can help you grow into a bigger version of yourself which is fun for you and the world.
How can you start opening the door to the possibility that you are worthy just because you are you? 100% unique. 100% loveable (including your flaws). 100% worthy. There is no one else on this planet exactly like you, designed and evolved like you. No one else has the same shared gifts, experiences, knowledge, and wisdom as you. Yes, you make mistakes because you are human AND because you are human you are worthy. Worthy of your own love just like you love others in your life.
Try peeking through the door at your own worthiness. If it’s a struggle for you then maybe create a bridge to get to the other side where your worthiness is innate. That bridge can look like:
- Other humans are worthy.
- I am a human,
- Maybe I’m worthy.
- I’m open to the possibility that I’m worthy just because I’m human.
- I’m beginning to notice how I’m worthy.
- I’m worthy!
The bonus of believing in our own self-worth means we are no longer at the mercy of other people, jobs, or tasks as a means of feeling good. We become our own internal supply which means the end to endless to-do lists and that's when we can really get to work on what's important for us and the life we want to design.
Self-worth comes from one thing – thinking you are worthy. Wayne Dyer
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