The Goal-Setting Formula That's Missing One Critical Step

Rummage through my cupboards and you'll find old journals and books filled with goals I've set for myself over the years.

I have always loved the excitement I feel at the possibility of doing something I've never been able to do before.

And because I'm a good student, my bookshelves are filled with helpful how-tos like Steven Covey's Begin With the End in Mind and so on.

When I began coaching, I adopted the goal-setting process taught by my mentor, which basically looked like:

1. Get specific about your goal (the what and when)
2. Write your goal down (using present tense – "It's 31 December 2026 and I have…")
3. Think about any obstacles that might get in your way and solve for those problems
4. Create an action plan to achieve your goal
5. Take massive action

This formula works.

It worked for me for a long time until I realised it didn't.

The problem?

The formula was all about WHAT you're going to achieve and didn't factor in HOW you're going to do it.

Yes, you come up with an action plan that acts as a roadmap for how you'll get to your end destination, but it doesn't answer the question about whether you'll follow steps 1-5 at the expense of your daily walks.

It doesn't ask you to consider whether you'll override your personal priorities to say yes to your business ones.

The formula exists in a vacuum. One where you don't have a personal life.

So the plan you create remains isolated, too. There's no allowance for what matters to you outside of your business.

Traditional goal-setting methods suggest setting boundaries as the solution. "Don't work past 7 pm," they say.

But when you're exhausted and have an urgent impending deadline, you're not in a fit state to set a boundary, let alone enforce it.

It's like trying to negotiate a fair price on a car when you're stranded on the side of the road with smoke pouring from your engine and the tow truck driver is the only person who can help you.

Your judgement is clouded. Everything feels urgent. You'll agree to anything just to solve the immediate problem.

That's exactly what happens when you try to set boundaries in the moment - when you're tired, stressed, and behind schedule.

You'll sacrifice them every single time.

The Gap I Kept Seeing

I noticed this gap in the goal-setting formulas commonly adopted because I work with hardworking women who followed this process to their own detriment.

Yes, they were achieving their goals.

But they were also ending up on the verge of burnout.

They'd hit their revenue targets but sacrifice sleep to make it happen.

They'd launch their programs but their health would suffer.

They'd achieve the goal by staying up until midnight, skipping workouts, cancelling plans with friends, and putting themselves absolutely last.

And every single time, they'd tell themselves: "This is just temporary. Once I achieve this goal, THEN I'll rest. THEN I'll take care of myself. THEN I'll have balance."

Except they never did.

Because as soon as they achieved one goal, they'd set another one. And use the same broken formula again.

My Solution: A New Step 4

I realised what was missing wasn't willpower or discipline or better time management.

What was missing was a step that built protection into the goal design from the very beginning.

So I introduced a new Step 4: Deciding Your Non-Negotiables.

Not as an afterthought.

Not when you're already exhausted.

Not as something you'll "figure out later."

From the start. As part of the design.

Deciding your non-negotiables ahead of time - before you take the first step toward your goal.

Commitments that will always take precedence, like:
• Morning walks to start your day in the right headspace
• Daily lunch breaks to recharge your body and brain
• School pick-ups so they could hear all the daily drama going down in Year 2
• Weekends off to attend kids' soccer games
• Eight hours of sleep, no exceptions

Your non-negotiables are decided ahead of time when you set your goal. Before you take the first step.

They're decided when you're feeling focused, rested, and aligned with what matters.

Yes, your business matters.

AND so do your health, relationships, and wellbeing.

And maybe your secret passion for stand-up paddle-boarding does too.

What Makes Non-Negotiables Different

Here's what I've learned: there's a massive difference between boundaries and non-negotiables.

Boundaries are things you try to maintain. Things you hope to protect. Things you'll "do your best" to honour.

Non-negotiables are different.

They're not aspirational. They're non-negotiable.

The decision is made once. At the beginning.

So you never have to debate it when you're tired and everything feels urgent.

"Should I work this weekend?" No. Weekends are non-negotiable.

"Should I skip my workout to work on this proposal?" No. Movement three times a week is non-negotiable.

"Should I stay up past midnight to finish this?" No. Eight hours of sleep is non-negotiable.

The issue doesn't come up. You already decided.

Two Types of Non-Negotiables
When I work with clients on this step, we identify two types of non-negotiables:

1. Protective Non-Negotiables

These are the things you won't sacrifice while pursuing your goal.

Your sleep. Your family time. Your health. Your relationships. Your sanity.

These protect you from yourself - from the version of you that wants to say "yes" to everything and "just push through one more time."

2. Commitment Non-Negotiables

These are the actions you commit to taking that will actually move you toward your goal.

Two hours of focused work on your business every morning before checking email.

Three sales calls every week, no exceptions.

Publishing one piece of content every Tuesday.

These protect your progress - from the version of you that procrastinates or gets distracted or lets perfectionism win.

Both types serve the same purpose: they remove the daily decision.

You don't debate it. You don't negotiate with yourself in the moment.

You decided already. When you were clear-headed and aligned.

What Changes When You Have Non-Negotiables

Here's what I've seen happen with clients who've adopted this approach:

They become strategically productive instead of just busy.

When you can't just throw more hours at a problem, you're forced to get smarter about how you work.

You prioritise ruthlessly.

You delegate the things that don't require your genius.

You let some things wait.

You do fewer things - but the RIGHT things.

They stop feeling guilty about protecting their boundaries.

Because they're not boundaries anymore. They're non-negotiables.

There's no guilt about not working on Sunday when Sunday is non-negotiable.

There's no inner debate about whether you "should" stay up late to finish something when eight hours of sleep is non-negotiable.

The decision was made. The issue is closed.

They actually achieve their goals - and they're still standing when they get there.

They don't arrive at the finish line completely depleted, wondering if it was worth it.

They arrive energised. Proud. Still connected to the people they love. Still healthy.

Because they didn't sacrifice themselves in the process.

The Question That Changes Everything

So here's what I want you to think about:

What are YOUR non-negotiables?

Not what you hope to maintain.

Not what you'll try to protect if you have time.

What are you absolutely unwilling to compromise on - no matter how urgent the goal feels?

If you can't answer that question clearly and specifically, you don't have non-negotiables.

You have wishes.

And wishes don't protect you when things get hard.

But non-negotiables?

Non-negotiables change everything.

They're the difference between achieving your goals and losing yourself... and achieving your goals while staying true to who you are.

And that's the kind of success that's actually sustainable.

Because you don't have to choose between ambition and sanity.

You don't have to sacrifice yourself to succeed.

You just need a better formula.

One that includes Step 4.