The 5-Minute Mistake I Tortured Myself Over for Hours

I sent the wrong Zoom link for a coaching session yesterday.

My client waited 5 minutes while I scrambled to fix it. One minute to solve the problem, then my brain wanted to torture me for hours about how unprofessional I was.

Sound familiar?

If you're a business owner, you've probably experienced this mental spiral. Maybe it was a typo in an important email, showing up late to a meeting, or forgetting a client's name.

The mistake itself? Barely a blip. Your brain's response? A full-blown crisis.

I recently read this line from Martha Beck: We suffer more from our thoughts about events than from the events themselves.

As a coach, I know this, but as a human being running a business, I sometimes forget.

And based on conversations with hundreds of female business owners, I know I'm not alone.

Why We Do This to Ourselves

Here's what nobody tells you about being successful: the higher you climb, the harder you are on yourself.

The same drive that built your business - that attention to detail, that commitment to excellence, that refusal to settle - can become the voice that tears you apart over minor mistakes.

My client moved on from our Zoom mishap instantly. She probably forgot about it before our session even ended. But my brain wanted to create a dramatic story about this tiny mishap - like dwelling on it would somehow help me "learn and improve."

Spoiler: it didn't. It just made me feel lousy and distracted.

I had a choice in that moment: suffer from my story about being unprofessional, or choose a different thought: "I'm super professional AND I'm human. End of story."

What This Habit Actually Costs You

When you pause and honestly assess how much energy you spend rehashing past mistakes, you realise you're often making them worse than they ever were in real time.

That email typo that made you cringe for three days? The recipient probably didn't even notice it. The slightly awkward client conversation you've replayed 47 times? They've likely already forgotten it happened.

This pattern of rumination keeps you stuck in a painful loop:

In the past: You're replaying what went wrong instead of celebrating what went right.

In the present: You're distracted from opportunities right in front of you because you're mentally stuck in yesterday's mistake.

In the future: You're hesitant to take bold action because you're unconsciously trying to avoid creating more "mistakes" to torture yourself over.

For high-achieving business owners, this is especially costly. Every hour spent mentally re-litigating a client interaction, a team decision, or a business misstep is an hour not spent on strategy, innovation, relationship-building, or growth.

You're basically bleeding energy that could be building your business instead.

Why Smart, Successful Women Fall Into This Trap

If you're reading this and thinking "Yes! This is me!" you're probably wondering why intelligent, accomplished women struggle with this pattern.

Here's what I've observed in my coaching practice:

Perfectionism masquerading as professionalism. You've built your reputation on being excellent, reliable, and thorough. But somewhere along the way, "I deliver excellent work" morphed into "I must never make any mistakes."

The thing that got you here is now working against you. The skills that made you successful (high standards, attention to detail, caring deeply about outcomes) become the weapons you use against yourself.

The invisible rulebook. You're holding yourself to standards you'd never impose on others. Imagine your best friend told you about the same mistake—would you torture her for hours? Of course not. You'd probably say "That's so human! Forget about it and move on."

The lie your brain tells you. Your brain convinces you that dwelling on mistakes is how you learn and improve. But there's a massive difference between extractive learning ("What can I learn from this?") and destructive rumination ("How could I be so stupid?").

Breaking Free: A Different Approach

Every time I get coached, I discover another way to let go of the suffering I've created over stories about my past. And every time I let go, I free up energy to create what I actually want.

The transformation isn't about becoming perfect or never making mistakes. It's about developing the mental flexibility to acknowledge what happened, extract any useful learning, and move forward without the unnecessary suffering.

What You Get Back

When you stop torturing yourself over minor mistakes, something remarkable happens: you get your energy back.

That mental and emotional bandwidth you were using to replay, analyse, and beat yourself up? It becomes available for:

• Creative problem-solving
• Strategic thinking
• Building relationships
• Taking bold action
• Actually enjoying your success
• Being present with the people who matter

One client described it as "suddenly having superpowers." She didn't gain new abilities - she simply stopped draining her energy on mental rumination and redirected it toward building the business she actually wanted.

Your Next Step

Here's what I want you to try this week:

Write down one event you keep replaying. Be specific. What actually happened (facts only, no interpretation)?

Ask yourself: Am I solving this, or just suffering over it? Be honest. Is your mental replay actually preventing future mistakes, or is it just making you feel bad?

Imagine your business and life without that weight. What becomes possible when you redirect that mental energy toward what you're creating instead of what you think you ruined?

Choose a different thought. It doesn't have to be rainbows and unicorns. Just something more useful than the torture story. "I'm learning" is fine. "I'm human" works. "I'm doing my best" is perfectly adequate.

The Bottom Line

You built your business through hard work, intelligence, and dedication. You don't need to torture yourself to be successful - in fact, the torture is probably the only thing holding you back from the next level.

Your mistakes don't define you. Your resilience, your ability to learn, and your willingness to keep showing up despite imperfection? That's what makes you remarkable.

So the next time you catch yourself spiralling over a small mistake, remember: you can choose to suffer from the story, or you can choose to be professional AND human.

Your future self is going to love you for this.

Ready to stop wasting energy on mental loops and redirect it toward building the business you actually want? I help hardworking female business owners achieve their goals faster without burning out. Book a free strategy call with me and let's talk about what becomes possible when you get out of your own way.