Living Someone Else's Definition of Success (And Why It's Costing You Everything)

I didn't go to law school to become a life coach.

If I'm brutally honest, I chose law because I wanted to help people (I grew up watching LA Law and Rumpole – if you're under 50, Google them), but also because I wanted to be successful.

If someone had asked me what "successful" meant, I would have given them the look reserved for deranged people and said, "Why do you even need to ask?"

Success was obvious: helping people while making good money, advancing in your career, and earning respect.

I assumed everyone shared this definition, maybe with slight variations. Some of my peers cared less about helping people and more about the money, but the framework was essentially the same.

The Success Blueprint You Never Questioned

Where did this definition come from?

Societal expectations shaped by teachers and community groups. Parental influence driven by wanting me to succeed and be happy. Peer pressure – everyone I knew was following the same path.

Sound familiar?

As a business owner, you've likely carried this same blueprint into your entrepreneurial journey. Work harder. Do more. Prove your worth. Say yes to every opportunity. Build the business that looks successful from the outside.

And somewhere along the way, you became the overwhelmed, overworking, over-functioning taskmaster running on fumes.

I remember being deep in the corporate world when I first encountered the Steve Jobs quote:

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life.

It hit hard. Because that's exactly what happens when you follow someone else's goals.

You chase dreams that never quite satisfy. You say yes to certain opportunities, which means saying no to what actually matters to you.

You achieve someone else's definition of success, and it feels hollow because it's not yours.

The Hidden Cost of Borrowed Success

Here's what no one tells you about following someone else's success blueprint:

You lose yourself in the process.

You work longer hours than you ever did in corporate, telling yourself it's different because it's "your business." But is it really yours if you're building it according to someone else's rules?

You sacrifice your health, your relationships, your peace of mind – believing this is the price of success. That burning out is just part of the journey.

You measure your worth by your output, your revenue, your client numbers – external metrics that can never fill the internal void of misalignment.

The cruel irony? You left corporate (or started your business) to have more freedom, more control, more fulfilment. Instead, you've become your own harshest boss, working harder than ever, for a version of success that doesn't even feel like yours.

A Different Kind of Success

I'm immersing myself in Martha Beck's Wayfinder Coaching right now – it's one of my passions, and I'll be sharing these insights because they're the tools that help my clients stop building businesses that exhaust them and start creating ones that energise them.

Martha wrote in her book Steering by Starlight:

The heart's delight in doing things has no relationship to what the mind thinks of as big or small, impressive or unimpressive.

Your heart isn't governed by the world's conventional definition of success. It delights in doing things that genuinely matter.

This might mean your heart delights in mentoring one client deeply right now rather than speaking to hundreds. Or it may mean building a seven-figure business in a way that energises you rather than depletes you.

The question isn't how big your goals are – it's whether they're truly yours and whether the path to achieving them aligns with who you want to be.

What Changes When You Define Success on Your Own Terms

Here's what shifts when you stop chasing borrowed success and start building toward what actually matters to you:

You still set ambitious goals, but they excite rather than exhaust you.

You still work hard, but it feels purposeful instead of draining. You achieve significant success – perhaps even more than before – but you don't sacrifice your health, your relationships, or yourself to get there.

You prove that 'burning out to succeed' was always a false choice.

You recognise that your time, focus, energy, and self-worth are valuable – not because of what you produce, but because of who you are. You stop over-functioning and start operating from a place of alignment.

You become the powerful CEO who makes decisions based on what matters, not what looks impressive. Who builds a business that serves your life, rather than consuming it.

Your new definition of success can include doing the things that matter to you.

The Business Plan That Actually Includes You

Imagine how different your business would feel if considering what's important to you wasn't something that happened after you built your business but was actually woven into your business plan from the start.

What if you designed your business model around your energy patterns instead of fighting them?

What if your revenue goals reflected what you actually need and want, rather than arbitrary benchmarks?

What if your client experience was structured to showcase your unique gifts, rather than mimicking what "successful" people in your industry do?

What if you made strategic decisions based on whether they align with your values, not just whether they'll grow your business?

This isn't about lowering your ambitions. It's about ensuring your ambitions are actually yours – and building the path to achieve them in a way that doesn't require you to abandon yourself along the way.

From Taskmaster to CEO: The Transformation

There's a profound difference between being a self-critical taskmaster and being a powerful CEO:

The taskmaster measures worth by output. Works harder when things aren't working. Believes rest must be earned. Carries the weight of everything alone.

The CEO recognises the value of strategic thinking. Makes decisions from clarity, not desperation. Understands that sustainable success requires alignment. Builds systems that support rather than deplete.

The transformation doesn't happen by doing more. It happens by getting honest about what actually matters and having the courage to build your business around that truth.

Your First Step: Getting Honest

Whether you're just starting to feel that something's off, or you're ready to completely redesign your definition of success, the first step is the same: getting honest about what actually matters to you.

So here's what I'm curious about:

If no one else was watching – no clients, no colleagues, no family with expectations – what would make it onto YOUR definition of success?

Take a moment this week and write it down. Not what sounds impressive. What actually makes your heart feel lighter.

This is where transformation begins – in the quiet space between who you've been told to be and who you actually are.

Because here's what I've noticed: Just like we inherit definitions of career success, we inherit definitions of business success too. Revenue targets. Client numbers. The 'right' way to grow.

But you didn't leave your former career (or start your business) to live someone else's life.

You did it to live yours.

So what does success actually mean to you?